There are very few things that I absolutely detest. Like “depths of my soul” loathing. I thought I’d share three of them with you tonight. They are, after all, the only things keeping my farm life from being perfectly idyllic. In order from least offensive to most…here is hateful entity number 3:
We have probably 10-20 different species of ants, all with multiple colonies all over our property. I’m actually fine with them chilling, doing their ant thing outside. I take issue when they start being inside. I keep my house pretty clean so when I accidentally leave a bit of banana on the floor and they find it and swarm it in 15 minutes (they come out of the floor and the walls) it’s a little disconcerting. But not nearly as disconcerting as when little girl eats a cracker in bed and then I wake up to her crying in the middle of the night because she is getting bitten by ants that have invaded her bed. Yeah. The only reason they are number three is because by some magical combination of weather and bug spray they haven’t been as much of an issue these past few weeks. However, I’m still worried about next summer.
Number two on the list of things that shouldn’t be within a 2 mile radius of me:
stupid spiky weed thing
This thing grows all over our property and produces these little green bud things that have one or two massive spikes. Now when they are cute and green they aren’t so bad. You step on them, they squish. But. They dry out and become insidious little iron torture devices bent on taking over the world! I have several sore spots on my feet from stepping on them. Heres the deal, we walk outside and they get in our shoes. Then we inadvertently track them into the house where they jump off our shoes and lie in wait…scheming their demonic schemes until one of us steps on them and get a petrified spike in the foot. We all go around barefoot so this one is just plain unfair.
So the above two, I can understand their reason for existing. This last one, not so much:
Common house fly
This is the fly trap that is supposed to trap these stupid things. It is an epic fail. I swear I kill flys all day and can’t really tell by the end of it. I keep my house clean (like I said) but no, they laugh at me! I mean seriously…flys copulating on my kitchen table is not ok! (and before you resolve to never accept a dinner invite from me again, I do wipe down everything with bleach wipes regularly) The worst thing about flys is that it only takes one to drive you to violent crimes against anything that can be thrown. Ants…you need hundreds to be really obnoxious. Our weeds…you could avoid just one spike for a while. Not flys. They actively seek you out, knowing that their mere presence will make you twitchy.
But don’t you worry. I will continue to fight the good fight against these abominations. Peace and tranquility will prevail! or I’ll stop being whiny and figure out a way to cope. Yeah. One of the two.