four and a half months…

18 weeks. 125-ish days. I’m half way there.

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I tried to find pictures from roughly the same point in my other pregnancies, but I stink at regular belly photos and for some reason I can’t access pictures from that long ago. While I consciously try not to freak out about lost pictures, let’s talk about something else.

Last Tuesday, we had a midwife appointment where my very talented midwife tried to get a look at baby’s gender. She got a few good shots and is 80% sure that we are seeing pink. However. I was only 17 weeks, the shots were inconclusive, and a few even looked boy-ish. It was a little rough because the order was put in for a boy as soon as we found out #4 was coming. Not just me even, everyone (I’m sure Layna too) wants a boy. So we are going to a for-real ultrasound tech on Thursday to find out. Kid will be a week and a half bigger, the tech will be highly trained, it will be conclusive.

Being the guilt expert that I am, you can imagine how bad I feel when people ask if we are finding out. It goes like this:

– “Oh so are you going to find out what you are having?”

– “Yes, a thousand times yes. Affirmative, absolutely, ASAP.”

– “I’m sure you don’t care, you just want a healthy baby [big smile].”

– “No, actually. I need to find out ASAP so that if it is a girl I can have plenty of time to process and make that ok. I really, really want a boy. And of course I want the baby to be healthy.”

– “[awkward chuckle] [swift subject change].”

Of course a girl will be perfect. And should it be a girl, I trust that the Higher Power that made that call knew what He was doing. I love my girls and I’m grateful that I have my son. Is it dumb that one of my big reasons is that I have the most perfect boy name and can’t think of a girl name to save me? So. Announcement to be made on Thursday! and maybe fun hippo pictures of me from prior pregnancies once Husband guy charms the computer into loving me again.

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