That would be the question my oldest little sister (turning 20 this year…what the what?!) asked when she found out we’d be having our babies at home. It’s also a question I used to get all the time, before homebirth became a bit less unusual. Just in case you had that same question (but were probably too polite/grossed out to ask) I thought I’d tell you a bit about how it works at our house. Plus my birth kit got here a few days ago which means I’m for real having a baby. Because the huge belly, alien gymnast flipping around in my abdomen at 2 am, and internal temperature of 987 degrees didn’t really mean anything.
My midwife has a deal set up with a website that sells home birth supplies. Basically it’s just the stuff they normally have stocked at a hospital but not in your average home first aid kit. Who really has 2 foot chux pads lying around? So I find my midwife’s name, click a few buttons, and they send me everything she would like to have for my birth, like gloves in sterile packages, afore mentioned pads, foot print kit, cord clamp, etc. My favorite part is the brand new baby beanies. They are super soft and stretchy and I can clip all sorts of girly flowers and bows to them. All the frilliness without the headband indent on my baby’s head.
Anyways, when my sister asked if it was messy I’m pretty sure she had images of blood spattered walls and unidentifiable body fluids puddled everywhere dancing through her head. I reminded her that yes it is a bit messy, but you know where the mess is coming from so it’s easy to plan accordingly. At that point my dad rolled his eyes and left the room. My homebirths were messy, but my worst hands down was my first and only in a hospital. My last was the best, because I wised up and spent a lot of the time in the shower. So the big massive pads that take up the majority of the box, weren’t even necessary. Although they did come in handy later when our baby goats were born. Waste not, Want not!
I most likely have less than 30 days, including wishful thinking that this baby will be just like the last three. If she does decide to cooperate…on Pioneer Day around 12:30 am I’ll wake my husband up to let him know that this is it and then I’ll stand in the shower with scorching hot water on my back for the next 3-5 hours. Grandma will come get the other kids around 2 or 3 am. Eventually, I’ll ask if it is ok to push, my midwife will laugh and ask me if that’s what I want to do, I’ll say yes and 15 minutes later my baby will be born. Then we will take pictures of her and I’ll blog about it. So basically it won’t be anything like what I just described, because the universe is a jerk like that sometimes. Or it will be exactly what I described and I’ll feel like a jerk. Sigh.
And in case you were wondering…holding my baby and sleeping on my stomach again are neck and neck for what I’m looking forward to the most after this birth thing happens. I’m only mostly joking.