So about this post…it kind of needs to happen so that when I tell you more about my mom later it won’t be a shock. This is an “ease you into” the current state of things. But I’m super excited that this post can be about something as epic as her 60th birthday. The only thing that bums me out is that her epic birthday cake is currently in my fridge half finished. I’m making it for her birthday dinner tomorrow at my grandparents house. So of course, this means no picture of the cake, yet. Sigh. My inner blogger is so conflicted. However, I’m on a strict blogging schedule and it’s already going to be into January for me to finish up the events of this year. So this is happening now…

Mom turned 60 last Wednesday. My sisters flew in and surprised her on Sunday and then on her actual day we did a “Girl’s Day Out.” We got pedicures and then headed back to her house for a soup and salad dinner. Lisa delivered on the ridiculous cupcakes and we had a perfect evening together.

At mom’s last doctor’s appointment it was decided after discussion that mom would start hospice and stop seeking curative treatment. I’ve learned some interesting things about myself, cancer, and family dynamics through this adventure.

• I tend to freak out and be pessimistic. Internet research is a mixed bag for me: on one hand I’m glad to have as much of an understanding as medical studies and articles can give me. On the other, it makes me kind of obnoxious to be around.
• Cancer. Cancer is a weird beastie. The sudden loss of a loved one would be traumatic. There would be no chance to say goodbye or anything else that needs saying. Cancer gives you that chance, but it also brings waiting. I’m a planner. Dealing with uncertain timelines, conditions, and outcomes is breaking my brain. I’m trying to learn all the life lessons about being in the present moment and trusting God to be in charge. All the lessons about patience and focus on serving those around me and grieving gracefully and authentically. Like I said, it’s breaking my brain.
• Family. Oh my family. All things considered, we are doing well. Overall. In general. Funny thing, though, about taking an average…you have both ends of the spectrum. We’ve had beautiful moments of peace and comfort and healing. And we’ve had some really hard and icky conflicts.

Next week will be about all things Halloween. After that our aquarium field trip, then into holiday shenanigans. At some point the waiting will be over and I’ll write about her memorial service. Sigh…but for now I’m contemplating how to get a perfect white chocolate ganache drip on her cake and which color luster dust to use to make it shimmer.