I’m behind a bit, what with Christmas Day being last Saturday. Next week will be New Year’s and then away we go into a new year.
This year Christmas was quiet. My sisters spent the holiday elsewhere. Christmas is too much mom for them and they needed to be away from here…it’s still so raw. I had the advantage of six years doing our own Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Not to mention the job of creating a magical Christmas for my own monkeys. I think there is less of a void.
There were moments where I was reminded that she’s not here. Little things that my sisters and I recognized. I’m so grateful for my husband who gets it too. He truly loves my mom and so could laugh with me and cry with me over all the things we would roll our eyes at that I now desperately miss…now that she’s gone. It’s still so raw.
Interesting lesson that I’ve been learning on deeper levels this season:
My mom was obnoxious. She drove me crazy with her life choices, her approach to things. So many of my challenges as an adult came from her. I could tell you every one of her faults and short comings. And yet I love her deeply. So much I have to be careful about where I am when I think about her…the tears are always near the surface (It’s awkward to cry at the grocery store). We are all obnoxious. We make awful life choices, and our approach to things often lands us so far off the mark. We create so many of our own challenges. Our Savior knows all of our faults and shortcomings. And yet He loves us deeply. I get His love now in ways I hadn’t before. This new understanding has increased my gratitude for the life we celebrate and what the end of that life means for me now.
This year Christmas was quiet. Sweet and simple and profound. And filled with a more nuanced love and appreciation for my favorite people.
Welsh cakes for breakfast, park date, and then the usual line up of events with Grandma and Grandpa to join us.
I love how much they love shopping for each other and us. The giving is truly as much fun as the getting. I think the winner of “Best present of the year” goes to Garyn for buying Layna her very own roll of bubble wrap (“pops” as she calls the stuff).
Grandma makes The True Cinnamon Roll. Everyone says theirs is the best and they are wrong. We went to their house for our fix after presents. I sure like those two. Later dinner was with cousins and the rest of our North Carolina family and then we called it a wrap.
We’ve been lounging and spending too much time on screens. I’ve been alternating between channeling my inner sloth and crazy cleaning lady. My family is very tolerant. Christmas is totally down as of this morning and the bareness is soothing and exactly what my soul needs before life starts up again day after tomorrow.