I am now 37. I’ve totally hit that place where birthdays just blur until you hit a big one. 40 is the next significant one, but of course that doesn’t mean I’m not spoiled and entitled to a good day. My 37th was lovely. Funny thing…I was talking to my Uncle Jim (my mom’s little brother) and he asked how my first birthday without mom was. To be completely honest it hadn’t registered as hard on the actual day. As far as missing mom and struggling with grief goes this month has been brutal. Most of it revolving around school for my various monkeys. She missed it all and would have loved Naomi’s love of forensic science and new confidence with math. She would have laughed so hard that Garyn just got a job at Chick-Fil-A and needs fancy shoes, is driving and dying to run errands, and is actually being challenged at school. I miss her advice the most…I’ve needed it so badly with Corra. Oh and we can’t forget that I’ve found Layna’s future husband at our co-op and I need mom to help me plan that wedding. Sigh. I miss her so much. I’ve been having regular breakdowns and lots of tears so by the time my birthday came…I didn’t have much of that left.
This has indeed been a year. But there are the wildflowers I planted and continue to surprise me (Corra made sure I started my day with a jar full). My husband chose a new restaurant and we even got dressed up for an amazing dinner. I tried a new variation on the most ridiculous cookies known to man (they were tasty but didn’t de-throne red velvet or double chocolate for my kids). My birthday buddy was there to celebrate with me. I sure like that grandma lady of mine. Oh and heaven forbid we forget to talk about what I did with my head…there is that.
P.s. When I came home from my hair appointment, Neil said he liked it but it didn’t look like me yet. My kids all freaked out. I’m happy to report I don’t double take when I walk past reflective surfaces anymore, and I finally look like me to my husband.